she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
