8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
