I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I think people are normalizing furries
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
