i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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