I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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