So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
My feet surprised me
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