need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
