When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
