did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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