dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Randomize
