got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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