So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
