Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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