He is an equal opportunity slut.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
