take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
