He kissed a someone with a penis
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
