3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
your room smells of hookers.
And success
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
