can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Enjoy the penises
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
