i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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