Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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