covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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