you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
