my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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