i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Best friends brother. Beat that.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
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