I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
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