i wish starbucks made bloody marys
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
