I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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