i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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