I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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