the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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