Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
