I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
