i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
