Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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