Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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