Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
