I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
