He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
