Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
