It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
