i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
