I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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