that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
