I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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