my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
