The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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