ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
