i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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