Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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