If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
